"Tears of Stone" by ARK

I got really sad yesterday. I took the time to ponder about a lot of things and almost got depressed.

For the first time in a long time, I wanted to let my tears fall...just to check and see if I still had that ability. I haven't cried in a while, you know.

I felt the tears rushing to both of my eyes, preparing to leak out. But with a simple stroke of thought, I managed to force them back again. I didn't cry, even if I could...even if I wanted to.

I can't remember how I got so good at controlling my emotions. To even bring me to that level of sadness requires a tremendous inner effort. To actually cry is another thing.

Please do not get me wrong. I did feel bad yesterday. Still, the thought if me crying over something excited me. Sadness was an emotion I haven't encountered in a while...and reuniting with that side of me brought me comfort.

But I stopped it from happening. I held back my tears...again. And I know every time I do it, I get a little bit harder. Not necessarily stronger, just harder. Someday I'll encounter something so tragic, only to realize I can only cry with stones. By then I would have lost my tears...I would've lost my heart.

NOW LET US COMPLETELY IGNORE ALL THESE THAT I HAVE WRITTEN ABOVE.

 Those were the thoughts I had yesterday. Those were some of the thoughts that pushed me into crying. But I didn't. Because right then and there, I realized WHY I wasn't crying. I realized why my tears won't fall...why I won't allow myself to do it.

Because I'm a different person now.

I'm not the crybaby angel I used to be. I've been through a lot, and those have just made me stronger. Every time I force back my tears I relive the days when I was going through something even tougher, and how I managed to pull trough.

I thought that if my past self could handle it, so can I. The stronger, more confident Ark has every power to stop his tears, because he has cried through every twist and turn of his heavenly adventure.

This was the stroke of thought that forced back my tears. I still have a lot to experience. The future will provide me REAL reasons to cry. And I have to survive those.

No need to pressure myself. My tears won't turn to stone. I could use a good cry every once in a while...but I will still search for a better reason to. :)