Instead, here is DEV'S LIST OF REALLY WEIRD THINGS YOU (DON'T) SEE UNDER THE TABLES OF FAST FOOD CHAINS:I know this 'cause I started working today, and one of the few new things I did was scrub the underside of each table. Had to clean every single one of 'em, so I found some pretty odd stuff going on. Trust me, it's not cool to stick THESE THINGS under the table...
1. Weird, Coffee Stains.
-> First of all, this has got to be my favorite under-the-fastfood-table find. Basically because it resembles coffee stains, and you know how much I LOVE coffee. But don't take my word for it. It may not be coffee at all. It's just brownish stuff that's very easy to clean off.
Removability: Easy as drinking coffee.
(imagine how THIS forms UNDER the table.)
2. Price Tags.
-> It's not about the money, so forget about the price tag. Some customers have "forgotten" about the price tag, by leaving them underneath the dining table. How do they even do that? I mean, when you buy something, one of the most annoying things you can possibly do with the product is rip the price tag off perfectly. It NEVER RIPS OFF PERFECTLY. But some people have mastered this art, practice it while enjoying their meals, and stick it underneath tables for the crew to find.
Removability: Meh. It's bearable once you get the hang of PEELING OFF PRICE TAGS. Which I already told you...is impossible. Go and just give up.
(good luck!)
3. Hair.
-> What makes hair stick to the undersides of dining tables? Anti-gravity shampoo? Adhesive tape used as a conditioner? When I found the first strand of hair in my entire career of service crew-driving, I was like: "how the hell is this even possible?" It's just there. Imagine a customer, enjoying her meal, and suddenly some of her hair falls off. Now imagine where that dead strand will go. Where? Yes, it's supposed to fall to the floor where it now belongs. But no, this extraordinary strand will go the distance, and even defy the laws of physics, by FALLING UPWARDS and staying underneath the table.
Removability: Easy, with a slight chance of "how is this even happening?"
(we're supposed to lose a couple of strands everyday. No need to freak out.)
4. Fresh Gum.
-> Yes. FRESH gum. You know, the kind that remains warm and soft enough for the next service crew to "recycle" (eww). You flip over a table, scrub off several grease, until you see this weird-shaped gum. You've been expecting this. I mean, where else are you supposed to throw tasteless gum away? YOU DON'T. You stick it underneath a table and hope somebody's got the guts to remove that squishy thing that's been in your mouth for an uncomfortably long period of time.
Removability: Annoying. It's still STICKY, people!
(but may still be edible.)
5. Rock-Solid Gum Ancestors.
-> These are the fossils of gum that have been stuck there for too long. Good luck scraping these off. These are the gum that have begun thinking of itself as part of the table. They are one with the table. They've been there longer than you ever existed, and the teenager who stuck it there might have already grown himself a white-colored beard. Speaking of colors, they come in all colors too! That's my favorite part, personally. Today only, I've seen orange, yellow, and light blue gum.
(more colors available soon.)
Removability: IMPOSSIBLE. Might as well try burning the table. But even then, the damn gum might still survive.
(but no, I did not find humans under the table.)
SO THERE. Those are the things I found underneath the tables, which will also be there in EVERY SINGLE TABLE YOU'LL EVER EAT IN. But hey, they're not so scary. Neither are they THAT disgusting. But it really reflects the customers visiting the place.
Good thing there are awesome people like us, to remove the impossible.
Now enjoy your meal.
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