"Team Fortress 2!" by DEV

(Disclaimer: As always, most of the pics on this post aint mine.)

YEAHYEAHYEAHYEAHYEAH. GUESS WHO'S BACK!!! YEP. ME!

But why was I screaming? I dunno. Maybe it's got som'thin to do with this mug of coffee I'm guzzling down. Or maybe it's just really good to be back.

So anyway, my awezomeness has been "redirected" at yet another form of distraction that goes by the name of Team Fortress 2. Ark's mentioned it, and now I'm bordering on addiction.

Ark's been SOOOO busy with his internship shit, and I'm just here stabbing and burning my enemies online.

So what's so great about it? Why have I been spending my precious Dev hours on an online game?

Well it's because it's GREAT. There's nothing great about it, it's just sheer greatness. I dunno if that even made sense.

But here's the thing, it's not a new game. It's been there since, like, the prehistoric ages. It's a fact that cavemen have been rocket launching, sticky-jumpin', back-stabbin', flesh burnin', sandwich eatin', and baseball battin' freaks, even before the wheel was invented.

They used it to cope with the fact that they were living among dinosaurs. Since they can't kill them dinos, they just took out their frustration through online gaming.
So, Team Fortress 2 has been up for a long time, and now that I've gotten myself a copy there's no turning back.

It's focused on 9 characters, or "classes" that each have their different ways of OWNING one another. They also have their different ways of getting owned, so I'll mention those too.

(Wondering why I love these characters? See this post.)

AND HERE THEY ARE:

1. The Scout:

Method of OWNAGE: Sheer Speed. He's the fastest character, he can double jump, he can annoy the hell outta you. Scout is like a fly, swarming all over the battlefield, buzzing loudly until someone smacks them.

How to OWN Them: They have a lower health compared to most of the enemies, so smacking this fly aint so hard at all.









2. The Soldier

Method of OWNAGE: Rockets. And MORE ROCKETS. This guy loves war, and uses rockets to show that love. Heck, his special skill is called "rocket jumping." (Which is awesome, by the way.)

How to OWN Them: Though he's sturdier than the Scout, Soldier is a lot slower. And even though he's the most balanced character, he's also the one without a field of specialty. What do you call that? Jack of All Trades, Master of Rabbits?










3. The Pyro

Method of OWNAGE: Fire. This adorable little psychopath loves spreading happiness, and rainbows, and bubbles, and pain, and misery, and agony through his homemade flamethrower. Beware.

How to OWN Them: He's made to kill people at close range, so running away from him is ALWAYS a good idea. Killing him from afar should be a lot easier than doin' it the other way around.

(Imagine fire everywhere in this pic.)

4. The Demoman

Method of OWNAGE: Demonstrations. LOL. Demoman is a demolitions expert. I dunno what that means, but it's probably got somethin' to do with destruction. His hobbies include drinking alcoholic stuff and bombing his enemies. WHY WASN'T HE NAMED BOMBERMAN???

How to OWN Them: His bombs bounce around a lot, and are very hard to aim. He can hurt himself with it too. Just goes to show that you should NEVER drink while in a war.




5. The Heavy

Method of OWNAGE: Sasha. That's what he calls his precious "Minigun." If you're anywhere close to my level of smarts, you should know that you should never trust these names. The Minigun is nowhere near "MINI" and can totally rip you to shreds with several bullets per second.

How to OWN Them: Call your friends and gang up on this bear. Not many characters stand a chance against him in a one-on-one fight, so better work together. You can also backstab him or use your sniper rifle for a headshot.







 6. The Engineer

Method of OWNAGE: "Buildings," as he likes to call it. And by buildings, he means hi-tech weapons of mass destruction. He's got Dispensers, (for health and ammo purposes. Slightly annoying.) Teleporters, (for teleporting purposes, duh. Really annoying.) and Sentry Guns (For gunning you down as soon as it sees you. Totally annoying.)

How to OWN Them: Bomb his buildings, use a sapper, or kill the Engineer before attacking his buildings. There's a lotta ways to bring him down, it's just not very easy.




7. The Medic

Method of OWNAGE: Healing. Imagine going against the Heavy with all the firepower you got. And just when you thought you're about to bring his fat ass to the ground, a Medic appears and heals him completely. That's the time you start contemplating your existence and say to yourself: "Goodbye world," as Heavy mows you down again.



How to OWN Them: He relies on teammates to actually kill people for him, so use that to your advantage. It's very important that you kill him before anybody else.




8. The Sniper

Method of OWNAGE: Distance. The further he is from you, the more effective he gets. He can zoom in on you and kill you instantly with a single headshot. Just when you thought nobody's watching you, Sniper's there aiming for a kill.

How to OWN Them: Just the opposite of his Method of Ownage, to kill a Sniper you just have to get close quick. Befriend him, go to movies together, be BFFS, and then KILL HIM AND EVERYONE HE LOVES. Seriously though, just get too close for his comfort and you should be fine.






9. The Spy

Method of OWNAGE: Deception. There you are, close to victory, as you take more and more of your opponents' heads. Blood has been shed and you can feel the light of success tingle from your spine. Oh wait, is that really success? No, it's the Spy, and he's stabbed you in the back. Where'd he come from? You swore you only had your teammate behind you the whole time... Oh wait.

How to OWN Them: This sneaky mustard turns invisible, changes appearance, destroys buildings and stabs people. But once you detect him, he's not hard at all to kill. Just don't let him slip unnoticed past your defenses.