"In Memoriam" by KENT

Hi. Please don't read this. I don't want anybody getting a dose of my guilt. I'm just posting this as a self-reminder.

This post is in honor of my pet dog Kira, who died just a few moments ago.

The puppy who immediately acknowledged me as his father.

The puppy who grew up to be a hyperactive living tornado.

The dog whose brother died long before him.

The dog who kept people away from our house, friend or foe.

The dog who barked loud but ran away in the face of danger.

The dog who just LOVED fireworks.

The dog who made every stressful day at school better by simply welcoming me home.

The dog who thought he was a cat.

The dog we left behind when we had to move to this apartment.

The dog who still welcomed me every time I came for a visit.

The dog who missed and loved me completely.

The dog who thought we would be coming back for him.

The dog who wondered why we didn't visit often, and why we always had to leave.

The dog who barked for us to stay.

The dog who cried every time we closed the gate on him.

The dog who slowly got depressed as he lost hope of ever sharing a home with us.

The dog who slept alone every night inside the house that used to be OUR home, not just his.

The dog whose energy started to deteriorate with every disappointing visit.

The dog who I will remember not for all the happy times we spent together.

The dog I'll remember because I killed him by being happy without him here.

The dog I'll remember because I forgot about him.

The dog who we finally were able to take home with us.

The dog who taught me the concept of "too late."

The dog who lived with us for an entire week, but has been dead long ago.

Kira just wanted to be with us. He just wanted to be with us again. He waited and waited and waited for us. And now that we were reunited, he decided it was time for him to leave.

He made it clear to me that he still loved me. He cuddled me to say that he just didn't have the energy to show it to me now.

Part of me wanted him dead too. And it's not because he was suffering. It's because he kept reminding me of what I didn't do for him. I wanted him to go to a better place. To leave us, because we didn't deserve him.

I did love Kira. I wish I just showed it more. Shit. I do this to people, 'cause I don't want to feel like this when they die. But I overlooked my dog, I guess. I wasn't as expressive to him as I wanted to be.

The last act of love I could do was carry him out of our home. "It's over, buddy. You did it! You made it here! And we had a blast. I know you're tired. Now rest."