"Gadgets" by MAX

Earth Invasion Report: We shall totally dominate them with our supreme technology.

Dev, the non-human specie residing in this apartment, recently got a hold of what he calls "a fine piece of technology."

I call it Earth trash.

Martians, the humans on this planet have technology so primitive, they do not even have holographic devices! Fools. Holographs are extremely easy to invent. Perhaps the human brain is incapable of grasping such a concept?

And yet here they are, completely impressed by their so-called gadgets.

Dev's phone has the touch screen feature, something that was invented by our ancestors a very, very long time ago. If we were to search our history files, we would see that it has been part of our Martian culture longer than fire has existed here on Earth.

I must admit the scarcity of technological items here upsets me. If I were to receive the proper command, I would be able to dominate this planet single-handedly.

Their most feared weapon of "destruction" is an atomic bomb. Something so feared, that Ark warned me not to blog about it. But we Martians have created air-based barriers that make these "weapons" utterly useless.

Another thing I have noticed about the scientific advancements of this planet, is that they have no contact to the Sun at all.

Yes. I find this quite unbelievable, because us Martians have been to the Sun over a million times. We have even created a Martians base there. It is like our second home. Earth is a planet where HeatProof clothing do not exist. May I suggest introducing the HeatProof clothing line to the humans?

They seem to be proud of a mysterious technological force they call the "Internet." Dev said it is the best thing there is on this planet. But if it were so great, why do most of their gadgets lose connection to the Internet when away from a WiFi zone?

My hypothesis is that the Internet sucks.

(Fig. 53. I may be wrong.)

Martian technology have no limits. Therefore they are in a state of perfection. Ark seemed interested when I told him that Martians don't require such a "WiFi zone." He showed signs of being "grossed out" when I told him we have chips implanted into our brains that can access a great source of intergalactic knowledge.

The only planet that is yet to be documented in this chip is Earth, and now I can see why. This planet is so primitive, the chips don't work here. Imagine my fellow Martians, their all-powerful Internet is shared by every human inhabitant, whereas we have more information stacked in a single one of our chips.

(Fig. 15. One chip contains information equivalent to the Earth's Internet.)

Besides, their Internet has been filled with irrelevant images of cats. (Cats are Earth creatures resembling the dangerous "Tigerlion" of our planet. Despite lacking the Tigerlion's strength and ferocity, it does have a nasty, evil attitude I want to study further in the future.)

(Fig. 12. pure evil.)

(Side Note: the resident "Cat" in this household has quite an evil attitude as well. This creature may be the most dangerous deity in this planet.)

The most fascinating invention in this planet however, are the "blenders." Odd, but the blenders are capable of creating weird-colored refreshments. These are "the bomb," as Dev would put it.

(Fig. 26. weird-colored refreshments)