"The Truth About Truth!" by DEV

As an awezome intern for a national tabloid, Ark and I have been contributing to what the masses have been reading.

We're sorta responsible for telling them all the shit that's been happening around them. Well, Ark is. That's his job. All I do is eat, read news and surf the net. I wonder why they haven't fired me yet.

(Is it obvious what I'm craving for right now?---------->)

So anyway...this one day, I was BORED out of my brains. I cant talk to anyone, not even Ark 'cause he was "busy" coming up with "articles" that are supposed to be"important."

So before the boredom melted me like cheese, I started looking for something to do.

(MMM...Cheeeeeeesssee.)

I incinerated a few cockroaches with my mind, and I almost started a fire. But it's no biggie.

I came up with ze brilliant idea to READ what's inside our tabloid. And I almost went into depression. Luckily, I'm too cool for that kinda thing.

This is the truth about the truth.

Opening these tabloids, I found headlines and local news that were really, really disturbing.

People hacking away other people's body parts...

Mothers getting killed by their sons...

Lovers committing suicide over jealousy...

Kittens meowing at dogs and dogs meowing back...

(Meow.)

DEPRESSING.

I had this little realiza...realisa...reeyaliza...realization that people who are poor and people who don't have the money to buy broadsheets will buy this shit everyday. And yeah, I'm supposed to have realized that a long time ago but see I haven't been going to classes 'cause my pet pig is a genius. My point is, imagine waking up to read THESE early in the morning.

No wonder people end their lives. And that's not a good thing. I mean, if you die, I'm supposed to hang out with you in Heaven? No, please don't kill yourself.

(Inset Ark-like image here.)

My point is (I've said that before haven't I? Gosh, no wonder Ark does all the news writing shit.) people are not exposed to the other options in life. They never find out that hacking away other people's body parts is wrong; that sons are supposed to love their mothers; that lovers shouldn't end their lives over relationships; and that dogs aren't supposed to meow.

And I sorta read all the other tabloids. Pretty much the same thing, except they also have really sexy pics of really sexy women. I recommend it, young Padawan.

So there...that's it. The truth about the truth is that people don't always learn the truth and that they are confined to the truth presented to them. WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO ME???

So anyway, here's a video of Fall Out Boy's The Mighty Fall. It's what I'm watching now. Thought yo might like it too.

It's like I was possessed by Ark or something.

Peace out mofos!

HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE MEGABURGERPIZZA? GOOGLE IT. I WANNA TRY ONE OF THOSE SO BAD RIGHT NOW.

"Peter Pan" by ARK

Do you know the story of Peter Pan?

It's about a boy who never grows up, and has the ability to fly. I think I relate to him, for two reasons: The flying part, and the never growing up part.

I'm an angel, so flying is not really an issue.

But many times I have been called childish and immature, for the way I respond to situations. The way I act, the way I talk, the way I laugh, the way I present myself...


I am too young and much more naive than the other people my age.

But as an ageless angel, there is more to it than meets the eye. As I mentioned, it's all how I present myself. It is not necessarily who I am.

Sometimes I think I am too mature for my age.

But nobody sees that side because I choose not to show it. I happen to like the childish self I show everyone.

When will I grow up? I am not sure. Probably when I am mature enough to stop acting like this. Maybe when I grow tired of being Peter Pan.
But for now, this is who I am most comfortable being.

There's no need to rip my skeleton out t please the people who wouldn't bother unearthing more of what I'm giving to them.

Let's all fly back to Never Land. Cheers!

"A Lesson From Monsters" by ARK

With all this talk about monsters because of this purple creature named Boo, I am here to share a bit of my opinion about them.

Have you seen the movie Monsters University?

Here is why I think that movie was amazing.

While both Monsters Inc. and Monsters University were equally enjoyable, I think the latter offered a very unique experience for its viewers. Why? Because the lesson of the story was realistic. Depressingly realistic to be exact.

Realism is not often the focus of works of fiction, especially not the animated films that include living toys, magical princesses, talking animals and universities for monsters.


But watching this film, you will notice how different it is, though you may not be able to point out what it is. It's real. The lesson it teaches is real. It's applicable and it happens in real life.

The main character here, Mike Wazowski (former deuteragonist of the Monsters Inc. film) has recently entered his dream university, as another step closer to his life-long dream of becoming a scarer.

His optimism and determination to reach his goal is admirable. But as the story progresses, you are forced to see that Mike Wazowski is just not scary. He tries hard, he does everything he can, and eventually failure still blows up on his face, screaming "You're not good enough."

Does he give up? No. Does his determination get him where he wants to be? Still no.

It's a sad, sad reality, that sometimes no matter how hard we try, somethings are not meant to be. Is it the end of the world? Definitely not.

This is the sort of morale boost that cartoons have forgotten to imbibe. They tell us never to give up. We are told to follow our dreams. We are made to believe that love can conquer everything. And while these messages are lovely and positive, they lack the realistic view of "What comes after?", "What if I fail?", and "What if love doesn't conquer?"

I like the fact that Monsters University orients children that not all their dreams will come true. But then it backs it up, saying that you are still worth something.

Ultimately, the lesson is still never to give up. It says that instead of wasting your life away, wondering what went wrong, you can channel your energy onto other things you are good at.

Mike Wazowski eventually gains satisfaction, becoming his best friend's scare partner and using his razor-sharp wits to get them both on top.

"Spark of Hatred!" by DEV

Have you ever seen a person and just... "I WANNA CHOKE YOU TO DEATH OR SOMETHING!!!" for no reason?

That undescriptable face (yeah I made that word up) feeling is what I call ze Spark of Hatred!

I'm really hating this effin' keyboard but I have a pretty good reason to. BECAUSE IT SUCKS!!! Oh well. Lemme calm down for a sec, folks. 'cause I'm about to tell ya a very simple story about Le Spark of Hatred.

Once upon a time, in this land we call Earth...

I was flying home, from a very awezome internship day. I was glowing with the thought of my own pure radicality, and so I had nothing else in mind but to get home and rub it all over Ark's face.

Feeling slight sympathy for my human fellas who can't fly, I decided to try the train. I landed myself near a train station and got inside one of them vehicles.

People didn't appreciate my fat, devilish awezomeness 'cause everyone was looking at me like I did something evil. They may have heard the news of me breathing fire on a local firetruck, but I'll have you know I'm proud of that masterpiece.

(what do you do NOW? Huh?)

Still, everyone looked annoyed. I assumed it's because the train's all crowded, and a fat little devil decided to join the party. (Emphasis on fat. I'm getting real chubby now. BWAHAHA.)

But I just growled at most of them. I mean, I could have flied home, stupid humans. But I'm HERE sharing your pain! And you guys are being asses. Bad-looking asses.

But one guy stood out from the rest. At one point in time, I got the chance to sit ('cause that's a are moment, I've heard. It's hard to sit down when the trans are damn crowded.) But being awesomazing as I am, I managed to flatten my butt against one of their cold seats.

It was NOT comfy.

I regretted sitting the moment I did. And to make things worse, I couldn't stand up anymore! Too many people were blocking my standing space. I wanted to breathe fire on them too, but I don't wanna land in the national news again. I'll do that next week.

And to make things worser...this ugly guy beside me... I suddenly had a SPARK OF HATRED against him!

I wanted to rip his skull out, but that's illegal in this world, I heard.

(but how do you expect me to carve his skull into this wonderful piece of art?)

Nah, I have no apparent reason to do it anyway, aside from the fact that I think he hated me too. It was a mutual hatred. I loved all the negative energy. It energized me.

And then the train stopped.

Code red, the staff said. They explained why we should go down and shit. Mr. Buttugly Cheesemould here quickly went off the train, much to my relief. On his way down, I uttered a little curse that would allow me to someday burn his ass with my black magic.

(ACTUAL pic of Mr. Buttugly Cheesemould! NOT PHOTOSHOPPED!)

And then I stayed on the train. Alone, I waited for it to work again. I wasn't in a hurry. So when everything got fixed, the thing stated moving again, and in no time I was flying home again.

BUT THEN. I decided to check out how local transpo works too. So I landed, got myself a ticket for this car-thingy called a "jeep," and then I waited for it to get filled with passengers.

Shit. I'm too impatient fo' this.

I realized that I had to get rubbing my achievements against Ark's face ASAP. So I flew out and basically shoved random people into the jeep. Then I sat back down when it was crammed with complaining people.

(Then I told dem to smile fo' the camera.)

Sitting cozily, my daydreaming was interrupted when I saw who ended up right next to me. It was Mr. Buttugly Cheesemould!!!

My curse worked too early.

I had to continue "sparking" with negative energy against him, during the entire hour of travel.

To conclude this brilliantly written story, I flew out of the jeep when it got close enough t our apartment, hovered up before it could get away, and then spat a gigantic fireball at it.

Cutting this short, I may or may not have killed several innocent people just because I hated a guy for no reason. So there. I made it explode.

Bottom line is: Ark is totally jealous of my achievements, 'cause I got home and rubbed it in.

"Pop Battle!" by DEV

Sneaking another post, eh? Well, yeah. I know when I get home the internet connection's gonna suck my life (and patience) away again.

(Cloudy with a chance of pop-colored mushrooms.)

I also happen to know that the title of this post sounds a bit like Pop riding into battle. IT'S NOT.

Instead, it's about the awesomazing pop music war happening RIGHT NOW! (Turn your radios up, folks!)

(not much tomatoes this time, though.)

Today, both Katy Perry and Lady Gaga released new singles (which, in Ark's language translates to: "bla bla bla, blabitty bla.").

Katy Perry released her new song "Roar." It sadly does not involve Katy Perry roaring like a sexy lioness for three whole minutes.

Lady Gaga also released APPLAUSE, which I think she wants capitalized all the time. Like the badass I am, I shall do the opposite for the rest of the article. applause is an awesomazing song, by the way.

Notice the small letters! I'm a badass.

So anyway, for this round I think I'm on the Little Monsters team. If I could rename them I would start calling them Bigger Monsters, or the Roar Club...you know, just to sound badder.

But anyway, I can't wait for the rest of their albums. And that's just 'cause LADY GAGA'S BACK. I know it doesn't sound all too awezome to fanboy, but I'm Dev. I was born awezome.




Hey, here are the videos! Listen to them and be the judge of this Pop Queen Battle:

(is this the right video? Lemme check...)

"Roar" by Katy Perry

("applause" by Lady Gaga. Notice the small letters. I'm a badass.)

"APPLAUSE" by Lady Gaga

See ya guys!