Yesterday, Dev and I went to a church somewhere far from Jen's apartment. That place was where I attended one of my most memorable masses ever, and this time I asked Dev to come along.
He did, and right after the mass we were planning to fly somewhere else. But on the way out, we saw an old woman, standing right outside the huge, brown, church door. She had a striking appearance, because it was obvious she had an illness.
Weird wart-like things covered most of her skin, including her face. Some were bigger than the others and they left no room for the woman's actual complexion. Her skin was literally covered up by it, and you can give a slight sigh of relief at the fact that she could still open her eyes.
The sight itself called for pity. What did this woman do to deserve something like it?
And then as we approached, Dev having his obnoxious look of "i-don't-even-know-how-to-describe-how-Dev-looked-yesterday" she spoke. "
Parang awa niyo na po." Which I learned means "Please have mercy," or something similar.
Her words pleaded for love. But her tone... her voice, and her actions... to me it seemed she has stopped trying. It was like she's grown so used to saying it, that she doesn't even have to try. It was like you are
supposed to feel sorry for her, just because she looked like that.
She has given up all hope in life, and your job is to have mercy on her.
I looked at her, with all the compassion I could possibly muster. But I couldn't bring myself to donate anything. Dev and I flew away, both with heavy thoughts in our heads.
"Hand me your love because life never handed it to me." to me that seemed like her motto. And I didn't let her gain my reassurance that she deserved the pity.
I briefly placed myself in her situation. Honestly, I wouldn't know what to do. Ironically, I might end up like her, doing what she's doing, having other people have these same thoughts against me. But what can I do? It's what fate had given me.
I erased those thoughts from my head. I know that everything that happens to a person is planned by a greater force. Everything is a gift and a challenge at the same time. You are not supposed to return gifts OR give up because of the challenges. I know it's what fate has given you, but in turn, what have you done of it?
Again, I would not know what I would do if that ever happened to me. Even my optimism and my hope would deteriorate given the circumstances.
But one thing is for sure. I will not blame the world and beg everyone to help me out of what life has chosen to give me.
The burden is mine, as everyone else's remain theirs.
What has life been giving you? What have you been doing with it?
There's no right answer to these questions. Nobody knows for sure what to do. Even angels get confused with what is right and what is wrong. Surely, the fact that I chose to ignore the woman is because what I perceived at the moment seemed wrong.
