"Bat Saved by Catman!" by DEV

Extra! Extra!

Read it in the headlines: Bat Saved by Catman!

Or is it Cat Saved by Batman?

I dunno. I'm not good with news details. So anyway, Ark and I are here again. OJT-ing in this national tabloid thing (I still don't understand what it means. Tabloid sounds a little...robotic to me. Don't ya think? It's like a tabby android. Tabdroid.)

Was looking for weird news to come up with awezome features, 'cause really, nothing can spark my interest among those artikle thingies that Ark keeps on making. They suck. They're all long and boring and suckishly sucky.

Let's point out the big, floating elephant in the room: Ark is a boring writer. I'm an awesomazing writer.

TO PROVE MY POINT HERE'S THE ARTIKLE I MADE JUST NOW.

It's 'bout a bat being saved by a superhero dude named Catman. Or is it the other way around?

"Cat Saved by Batman!" by DEV

Teachers, parents, overseas workers, students, youth people, soldiers...these f*ckers are the ones we consider heroes.
But when a cat got stuck inside a flaming hell of a building, only Batman (and Captain America) was able to save it! No joke.


No need to get overexaggerated. It wasn't actually the actual superheroes that came to the actual rescue. They were two awezome losers who happened to be wearing costumes when the fire started (lame!)


John Buckland, and Troy Marcum are their human aliases. Both working at "Heroes for Hire," a business started by Buckland (aka Batman) their aim was to spread the word that superheroes are cool. And that people wearing hero costumes can be kinda cool too.

(Random thought: Alias sounds wrong. It's like an alien's ass. Ali-ass.)

(Alias.)

And that was exactly what they were doing around the time the fire began unleashing the flurry of its fiery, furry ass.

They saw the smoke rise to the Heavens, and these costumed angels rushed to the rescue and broke the windows, superhero-style. The entire scene was action packed, complete with ultramazing explosions and minus the actual hero awezomeness.



And minus Hugh Jackman.

Buckland felt something furry on his foot, so he picked it up. And it was a cat. (Or was it a bat?)

It hissed at him, already seeing through his phony disguise.

(Cat translation: you are NOT Batman!)

So they still rescued it, they sighed with relief when they found out nobody was home, they chuckled gladly 'cause they finally fulfilled their dream of legally breaking other people's windows, and then brofisted.



And even though they were nerds, they were pretty cool and awezome nerds, because what they did was heroic. Bravo, Batman (and Captain America. Whatevs.)











OJT! WOOH! This artikle's totally gonna hit the headlines of every major newspaper. Dev, the awesomazing writer, reporting.