"The Health Benefits of Worrying!" by DEV

Ark has been worrying lately, mostly because he got that terrorist professor for this sem again. But look at the BRIGHT side! Worrying's either gonna kill you or bring some good stuff into your life!

The Health Benefits of Worrying:

1. It's gonna pump up your adrenaline! Who doesn't like a good adrenaline rush? While in a worrisome situation, use your adrenaline-pumped self to run meaninglessly around in circles. Try running up mountains and sh*t. You're strong! You're fast! You're indestructible! :D

2. It's probably gonna burn fat. Who knows? Maybe thinking too much will help you burn some calories! And face it man, you need it. Look in the mirror and start feeling bad about yourself. Worry some more! Get burning those carbs. For better effect: Try this weird human ritual known as "exercising".

3. It's gonna make you super smart! All that extra thinking will probably get your mind in the right shape. Stop thinking about the good side of life, and start thinking straight. Worrying will help you see the light. That is, the reality of having problems. Your life probably sucks. Worry about it. Learn from it. Get smart because of it. And don't thank me when you start turning into a genius or something.

4. It's gonna give you the power to see the future! Forget super intelligence, worrying is gonna get you into a transcendental state! You'll be sorta cooler if you could properly predict the future. I mean, you're already doing it. You're already imagining problems that aren't even there yet! Go ahead and practice seeing into your future. Better yet, go buy yourself a nice crystal ball.

5. It's gonna improve your heart rate! Your heart is already beating super fast, just by imagining your money problems? Good! That's a GREAT form of exercise for your little pumper. It's like giving yourself a nice workout...only you're NOT actually working out, and you're making your heart do all the work.



6. It makes you more tolerant to coffee. If you love coffee as much as I do, you'd know that having shaky hands is WORTH IT. And probably, worrying too much will get you to the point where caffeine don't affect you anymore. Right? Right? Oh yes, I know I'm awesome.

So, my friend, I've mentioned the six health benefits of worrying. It doesn't solve your problems, but it gives your body a much needed overhaul.

Note to people who can't read sarcasm and believe in everything I just said: Yeah, right. I'm no doctor. But I suggest you loosen up and stop worrying your life away. You can get all the benefits I mentioned  ONLY THROUGH A GENIE OR BY WINNING THE LOTTERY. LOL. Just kidding, you should start ignoring me now.