"Emotions" by MAX

Earth Invasion Report: Humans are vulnerable to mind-based attacks.

I think I have found it, martian brothers! The human weakness! BWAHAHAHA.

My research on the activities of the human body did not aid me much. Humans (as I have already reported before) are only made up of meat, blood, bones, and several organs that serve different functions. For example, the "liver" is for holding alcoholic beverages.

But what truly astounded me, is that none of these body parts seemed to account for the way humans behaved. To elaborate: I know that their legs are for moving from one place to another. I know that their noses are for breathing (because humans are weak, and they need oxygen to survive. Pathetic.)

(Fig. 1 the human process of breathing)

But I could not associate which body part is responsible for making a human suddenly go wild when another human stuffs a beehive into their backpacks. I did not know why humans acted so oddly, when faced with another human deemed "attractive." Humans suddenly go into weird phases during random situations.

And so I asked Ark, my Earthly tour guide. He told me that these are called "Emotions." These are human reactions to everyday happenings.

Ark enumerated the number of common human emotions that we Martians must be careful when dealing with:

Happy: The so-called "Happy" emotion is when a human is at full productive ability. They stretch their faces creepily in order to show their leaders that they are ready to do more slave work. They are more communicative, and are hard to demoralize. 

(Fig. 2 The Happy emotion may explain some random jumping of humans.)

Physical acquisitions, such as money and gadgets, are responsible for activating this emotion. A happy human is a dangerous human. It is good to note though, that this is a rare emotion to encounter. Some humans are so "unhappy" that they have to stretch their faces out into "smiles" in order to fool everyone around them that they are in full productive capability. But only a few humans exhibit the genuine "Happy" emotion.

(Fig. 3 A human female, stretching her face.)

Laughing: A laughing human is very unpredictable and highly unstable. Laughter is the human act of violently shaking, while their faces are stretched out (see Happy emotion.) Laughter is caused by "jokes" which are verbal, or by "human accidents" which is physical. Laughter is somehow induced when a human sees another human slip face first into cow poop (see Earth Animals and their Excrement).

(Fig. 4 The "cow", responsible for cow poop and human laughter)

Sad: The "Sad" emotion is the vulnerability I was talking about earlier. With enough mind-based attacks (which humans call "problems"), a human is bound to go into the "Sad" emotion. A sad human is often seen leaking with water, pouring out from their eyeballs. I am not sure what humans do this for, but I am quite certain it has something to do with the importance of water to humans.

(Fig. 5 A human female leaking with water from her eyeballs.)

This report shall be continued later... I am currently encountering a human displaying yet another new "emotion".

To summarize: ALL the weird actions done by humans, that are unexplained by their body parts are called emotions. We may have found their vulnerability!