"How to Hide From Your Friends!" by DEV

There are millions of blog posts out there that will tell you how important friendship is. I know, I counted.

Everyone will tell you to take good care of your friends, spend quality time with them, and even cherish them. But that's hella boring if you ask me.

What you should actually do is hide from them so they would miss the crap out of you. And when the time comes that you show up to their lowly human presence, they would appreciate you more and realize how much they love you.

So here are some totally legit tips on how to hide from your friends, courtesy of the best ninja in the blogosphere (that's me).

"How to Hide From Your Friends" by DEV

1. Draw a mole on your face.

Warning: I can't guarantee that this first technique is 100% effective.

It relies on the hunch that your friends don't really care about you, and they haven't memorized your face. Drawing a dot-like image onto any part of your face is sure to make you completely unrecognizable.

Additional tip: Borrowing someone else's mole might work better. Please don't forget to return it to them afterwards.

(You wanna borrow...my mole?)

2. Wear glasses.

Who can argue with this? It's a tried-and-tested technique that even Superman *ehem* Clark Kent utilized. Why wouldn't it work for you?

("Yeah, I look like him, but Superman doesn't wear glasses, so...")

Additional tip: If your friends can still see through this reliable disguise, maybe they're a little too smart for you. Better look for new friends.

3. Go incognito.

Wait. You mean Ctrl + Shift + N doesn't work in real life?

Ugh. That sucks. On to the next tip.

4. Hide in a monkey's ass.

I don't think I have to explain this one. Who would even think about looking in there? If you can just squeeze yourself into that tight spot, you are in the clear for the next few months. Hide in there for as long as you want, man, nobody will ever find you.

(Hey look, Jim. There's a human in your ass.)

5. Disguise as cash, and blend in with the rest of the national budget.

This one is a bit tricky, but if you manage to convince a politician that you are a part of the national budget, then you're sure to be gone forever.

You'll be spending lots of time in his pocket, and nobody will ever know where you went. Not even your closest friends.

(Hello, senator.)

6. Take a trip to the Bermuda Triangle.

Because that shit is creepy and nobody wants to go there. Plan a vacation to this lovely place and your friends will miss you for a long time.

(Next stop, nowhere.)

Additional tip: Atlantis is a great weekend getaway too.

7. Hide in your ex-girlfriend's heart.

This only works if you can find her heart in the first place. A bit of a warning though, if you ever find it, pack something warm. It's cold in there, and everything's made of stone.

Additional tip: This also works on ex-boyfriends, mind you,