To hear myself swear and complain a lot (whether only in my head or to another person) is something very unusual...if not, it's very new.
But I'm living in a new world right now. And to survive this new world, I must come up with new solutions.
My brain is adapting...or at least it's trying very hard to.
If you compare me to the Ark a few weeks ago, you would see two very different angels. You'll still see the same old confident creature who is sensitive and in touch with his feelings. But this time you'll notice that he's grown himself some fangs (metaphorical fangs, if you may.)
He has learned to identify whatever's been making him feel bad, and pinpoint the lowly human who made him feel that.
I am just pacing myself, for I have only been having a taste of what it is like out there...in the real world, which we are soon about to face.
Upon graduation from college, I will be having to face these sort of troubles FULL TIME. I might as well prepare myself for what is coming.
The world is full of people I will not like so much. And yes, I will still be Ark and I will still attempt to be nice to them. Only now, I know that putting too much effort into these people is not worth it. I don't want to lose the vase of my sanity over people who will not even look back to pick the pieces up.
I have grown fangs to defend myself. I am no longer simply feeling. I am fighting for what I am feeling. If it gains me enemies, so be it. That's the real world. Eat up, or get eaten up.
Is it too obvious that I am having troubles at work? Yes, I have been. And I still currently am facing these dilemmas. I feel like I have no true ally ('cause even Dev stopped going to work, calling everybody douche bags before resigning.)
But am I gonna quit? Probably. But for now, I would like to stick with what I have. Not for the money. Human currency do not mean much to us angels. But I am learning a lot. And I feel that by the time I graduate, I would have already gotten used to the humans of the "real world."
Besides, am I going to let them win? Will I let them weigh me down, and drag me to the ground? I know when to quit, and that time has not yet come. So until then I will try my best to survive these crushing life lessons, and allow them to mold me into the best angel I could be.
So help me God.
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