"How to Reveal Secrets!" by DEV

Nobody REALLY knows how to do this...and I consider mah-self a master at this fine ART. The Art of Revealing Secrets... 'cause you know, keeping secrets can suck worse than a leech...on a diet.

But no, you lame donkey, I'm not talking about sincere heart-to-hearts. LOL. I'm talking 'bout the DEV way of doing it. You ready?

DEV's ART OF REVEALING SECRETS:

Now let's start with a common theme. Let's state a common secret here. And we'll try our best to incorporate this secret with my awezome techniques. Now, the sample secret phrase ere is: "I'm a frickin' racist."

1. The Rainbow Method:

-> It sounds all gay, but this technique is very effective and useful. Simply bring along a paper mâché rainbow (a real rainbow would work too) and write your secret on it.

(replace last word with "racist")

Have your friends hold the rainbow behind you as you strut confidently around the campus.

("look at all the colored people I hate")

2. The American Idol Method:

-> AUDITION for American Idol! What better way to grab unwanted attention than to show up on a talent show wearing some weird cactus costume???

("I am the NEXT American Idol!")

Once you land yourself in front of the judges, sing off your lungs with an ear-busting rendition of Psy's 'Gangnam Style.'

Or sing a mash-up of 'Bohemian Rhapsody' by Queen and 'Boyfriend' by Justin Bieber.

After getting all four "NO's", scream at the judges with the rest of your bodily organs that are still intact. Shout all the swear words you know.

AND DON'T FORGET TO MENTION THE MAGIC PHRASE: "I'm a Frickin' Racist."

Hey, maybe you'll even land yourself a spot in Hollywood in the process.

(or just print yourself one of these babies.)

3. The Hostage Method:

-> This is a creepy method...but it hits two birds with one big ass stone. You gotta hostage somebody you hate. And when you finally got everyone's attention and your victim is screaming better than your Gangnam Style audition, THAT'S WHEN YOU TELL HIM IT'S JUST A PELLET GUN. And yes, you must ONLY use pellet gun. It's not cool, waving around real guns. Cops, and everything.

(a picture of a gun *might* work. But it *might* not get you the attention you need)

This is when you convince your hysterical victim that you're only trying to announce your big secret: That you're a racist.

IMPORTANT NOTE: You'll probably end up in prison with this method. Yeah, not all cops are fond of pellet guns...or racism.

So this method is not recommended.

4. The Cake Method:

-> This would work because: EVERYBODY LOVES A FRICKIN' CAKE.

Gather all of your friends and have them eat a huge cake. But they'll be caught by surprise cause you made a few 'preparations.'

Put your "I'm a frickin' racist" announcement on one simple piece of paper. Put it at the bottom of the cake, and watch as your friends reveal the message with each slice they eat.

By the time they've eaten the whole thing, they would already know you're the racist dude you've always wanted to be.

. . . . . . . . . .

(putting your secret on top of the cake is probably not a good idea though.)

So... feel free to replace the "I'm a frickin' racist" secret with any of your social status-shattering revelations. Also feel free to mix things up a bit. You can send me your ideas and how YOU reveal your secrets.

Ciao monkey friends!