"Confession Bear!" by DEV

*ehem*                                                      *ehem*                                                  *ehem*

I don't even like the Confession Bear meme. But I got this awesomazing idea while I was on the shower yesterday. I turned my genius into *ehem* the BEST 9GAG POST EVER.

And the post took me to places I didn't expect to visit before.

Like the TRENDING TAB.

And this is the wonderful post that took me there.

Ok, I know it's not all that funny either. But I wuz tryin' to get the attention of those who remembered 9gag WHEN IT WAS STILL FUNNY.

But hey, at least it got Trending! It's the first time it's happened to me, and boy did it feel good. I'd like to thank my family, my friends, and my awesomazing self for coming up with that monster post of sheer coolness.

While you're at it, upvote it on 9gag!

 (the words pointed by this white guy is a link. Just so you know. Thanks. You're awezome.)

"Touch" by ARK

I should stop touching things. I keep destroying them.

Now Dev calls it the "Touch of Destruction." He thinks I've got some sort of supernatural ability. It is not as cool as he thinks.

Things I touch just keep getting destroyed. Most of the time it's only because I am horribly clumsy. But sometimes it's just because I'm too damn mischievous. I should call it the "Touch of Mischief."

Dev wants the Touch of Death, but we all know he'll only try to murder a certain Bieber.

I don't want this anymore. I want my Touch of Destruction removed. Can't it be a more uplifting ability like a Touch of Warmth....or a Touch of Comfort? Anything that doesn't threaten my ability to pay back the things I destroy.

That must be added to my resolution. I will TRY to get rid of this bad habit. You can do it, Ark! You know you can!

Luckily this is a curse I can get rid of. Hurray for me. :)

"First!" by DEV

Before Ark can say anything else, lemme say this: I'm the first one to post this year!

Heck yes! I feel that's an achievement. I posted for 2013 before Ark did, which means this year is going to be all about ME, ME, ME. I should ask Ark to make a new blog. I mean, really. Who thinks my awezomeness can be contained in this blog?

But since I'm pretty sure Ark will stick around and continue posting his weird sh*t, I'm gonna have to be contented with the fact that I POSTED FIRST!

Hell yeah, my dear reader. YOU are reading the first post of the year. And by now you should notice that this post doesn't make any sense. You should close this tab and go back to your porn.


I promise, with all the awesomazing energy of this universe, to make this blog much more exciting this year. And YOU should promise to spread the word. I mean I'm getting tired of seeing the number 11 on my followers list. Why don't I have 111 followers? Or 11,000?

This year, we're going to surpass that.

So do your part brother. See that button over there? Click it and keep updated with my posts. OR you can just add this blog to your reading list. You can also follow me on Twitter. If you haven't...well WHY HAVEN'T YOU???

OR you can just keep visiting whenever you want. That's cool too. We'll just be sitting here...waiting until you do. *manly tears*

(tears with beards are cool)

So there, Im'ma return to leveling up my Pokemon Deluge critters while I wait for the world to explode. See ya later folks!