Earth Invasion Report: Earthlings, otherwise known as
“humans”, are made of meat. I like meat.
Do not worry, fellow martians, I will not eat my human subjects. I
cannot risk failing my mission of sending reports to our home planet. I promise
to keep watch of them…and make sure they do not end inside my stomach.
Yum…meat.
Cat Pig, Dev’s unusual pet animal,
is somehow capable of hacking into computer systems. With his genius capability
and my alien technology, we were able to tap into a nearby satellite. I used
this satellite to survey the entire planet and found that every human on Earth
is made of consumable meat. Yes, my dear martian
friends, I have found another weakness of this race. They can be eaten.
Ironically, these humans also love
eating meat. This is their form of cannibalism. They hunt little animals,
slaughter them and store them in freezing machines for future consumption.
Furthermore, eating other humans seems to be unacceptable for most of them.
They still keep space for affection, when it comes to their fellow Earthlings.
The human body, in general, is
made of several different parts...
Skin- Unlike us, humans have
different colors of skin…none of them are green. They seem to treat each other
in accordance to skin color. Black-skinned humans, for example, have a long
history of being “discriminated” against. I do not understand the logic behind
this thinking, but I will do further research regarding it.
Skeletal System- Humans have
“bones”. Unnecessary body parts that support the entire human’s entirety. We, martians, do not have these “bones”
but we do not seem to have any problem regarding body support. Humans also love
comparing themselves to animals, particularly with the skeletal system. They
prefer to say that their bodies are highly similar to that of a “monkey’s”. I
do not see this resemblance, but I pretend to…just so the humans would not
react violently.
Nervous System- Contains the human
brain…which is basically just a squishy substance where their thoughts
originate from. Their actions are said to be controlled by this brain, but I
can hardly believe this. Humans are highly impulsive, and rarely act in
accordance to what their brains say. They follow advice from their emotions,
from other humans and from alcoholic drinks.
Muscular System- This is the best
part. This is another term for the meaty part we martians
know and love. They apparently use it for “working”. These parts are used for
moving Earthly objects and things.
Circulatory System- Contains the
human heart. This part pumps blood into the other body parts. Also unnecessary
for us martians, I am starting
to believe these humans are highly different from us after all. Aside from this
blood-pumping habit, the humans also incorporate their hearts with romance.
“Love” as they call it, comes from the heart. I cannot comprehend how their
blood pumping body part is in anyway related to the other humans they love.
Another proof of human eccentricity.
Respiratory System- I learned that
humans require a certain element known as Oxygen to keep themselves alive. We
do not have Oxygen in Mars, and therefore we could never muster the potential
of this element…unless of course we colonize Earth. The respiratory system
grants the Earthlings the ability to intake Oxygen and transmute it into Carbon
Dioxide. For whatever the reason, I am not sure. What is the importance of
Carbon Dioxide and why are the humans generating too much of it? Are they
trying to build a super Carbon Dioxide bomb to launch against us? I have to
discover this quickly.
Excretory System- I am not too
fond of this part. I guess the humans built “bathrooms” and “comfort rooms” for
the sole purpose of hiding their disgusting excretory systems. The purpose of
this system is unknown. Mental reminder:
I must sneak inside a comfort room and learn how the humans use their excretory
system.
There are other parts, but I am
yet to classify them. But I have learned from my experience with Earthlings
that they are highly complex beings that function well with each other. They
use these body parts for their selfish objectives, and even for the destruction
of others. The thoughts from their brain are highly insecure; the muscles on their
body are used for the murder of others; and their hearts have stopped beating
for others.
There is one body part
mentioned by Ark, which he said is entirely pure and different from the other
useless parts. The “soul” as he calls it, is hard to find within the human
person, but is said to be the very thing that unites the Earthlings to their
world.
What I wanted for Christmas last year has been given to me this year, so I do not have anything I want in minds right now. Perhaps a new keyboard?
