"The Human Body" by MAX

Earth Invasion Report: Earthlings, otherwise known as “humans”, are made of meat. I like meat.

Do not worry, fellow martians, I will not eat my human subjects. I cannot risk failing my mission of sending reports to our home planet. I promise to keep watch of them…and make sure they do not end inside my stomach. Yum…meat.

Cat Pig, Dev’s unusual pet animal, is somehow capable of hacking into computer systems. With his genius capability and my alien technology, we were able to tap into a nearby satellite. I used this satellite to survey the entire planet and found that every human on Earth is made of consumable meat. Yes, my dear martian friends, I have found another weakness of this race. They can be eaten.

Ironically, these humans also love eating meat. This is their form of cannibalism. They hunt little animals, slaughter them and store them in freezing machines for future consumption. Furthermore, eating other humans seems to be unacceptable for most of them. They still keep space for affection, when it comes to their fellow Earthlings.

The human body, in general, is made of several different parts...

Skin- Unlike us, humans have different colors of skin…none of them are green. They seem to treat each other in accordance to skin color. Black-skinned humans, for example, have a long history of being “discriminated” against. I do not understand the logic behind this thinking, but I will do further research regarding it.

Skeletal System- Humans have “bones”. Unnecessary body parts that support the entire human’s entirety. We, martians, do not have these “bones” but we do not seem to have any problem regarding body support. Humans also love comparing themselves to animals, particularly with the skeletal system. They prefer to say that their bodies are highly similar to that of a “monkey’s”. I do not see this resemblance, but I pretend to…just so the humans would not react violently.

Nervous System- Contains the human brain…which is basically just a squishy substance where their thoughts originate from. Their actions are said to be controlled by this brain, but I can hardly believe this. Humans are highly impulsive, and rarely act in accordance to what their brains say. They follow advice from their emotions, from other humans and from alcoholic drinks.

Muscular System- This is the best part. This is another term for the meaty part we martians know and love. They apparently use it for “working”. These parts are used for moving Earthly objects and things.

Circulatory System- Contains the human heart. This part pumps blood into the other body parts. Also unnecessary for us martians, I am starting to believe these humans are highly different from us after all. Aside from this blood-pumping habit, the humans also incorporate their hearts with romance. “Love” as they call it, comes from the heart. I cannot comprehend how their blood pumping body part is in anyway related to the other humans they love. Another proof of human eccentricity.

Respiratory System- I learned that humans require a certain element known as Oxygen to keep themselves alive. We do not have Oxygen in Mars, and therefore we could never muster the potential of this element…unless of course we colonize Earth. The respiratory system grants the Earthlings the ability to intake Oxygen and transmute it into Carbon Dioxide. For whatever the reason, I am not sure. What is the importance of Carbon Dioxide and why are the humans generating too much of it? Are they trying to build a super Carbon Dioxide bomb to launch against us? I have to discover this quickly.

Excretory System- I am not too fond of this part. I guess the humans built “bathrooms” and “comfort rooms” for the sole purpose of hiding their disgusting excretory systems. The purpose of this system is unknown. Mental reminder: I must sneak inside a comfort room and learn how the humans use their excretory system.

There are other parts, but I am yet to classify them. But I have learned from my experience with Earthlings that they are highly complex beings that function well with each other. They use these body parts for their selfish objectives, and even for the destruction of others. The thoughts from their brain are highly insecure; the muscles on their body are used for the murder of others; and their hearts have stopped beating for others.

There is one body part mentioned by Ark, which he said is entirely pure and different from the other useless parts. The “soul” as he calls it, is hard to find within the human person, but is said to be the very thing that unites the Earthlings to their world.