"Confessions" by ARK

This post is not about religion. Nor do I care what you believe in...Honestly, that's a good thing. :)

Instead, I will just share what happened to me last night.

Dev and I walked into this church at about 6 pm. It was dark and quiet since no mass was scheduled. The only source of light were several dimly-lit, orange lamps. There were a very few people inside, compared to how busy that church usually was during mornings. It was a new sight for Dev and I.

Needless to say, it was beautiful.

We lined up for what we came there for: the confession booth.

I was a bit nervous. No, I was really nervous. I have been thinking of that moment for the entire day, and now it was the moment of truth.

All I had to do was tell this old priest man all the sins I regret doing, and I will be forgiven. While I do believe I have already been forgiven for simply thinking of confessing and actually regretting all I have done, I still wanted to do it.

And I was still nervous for no solid reason.

Maybe what I felt was shame. And I guess I do deserve to be ashamed.

And so as I inched closer and closer to one of the three priests present, I started recalling all the wrong things I've done. I reminisced most of my sins. Dev was just sitting there, quietly reminiscing too. But he didn't look nervous at all. It's not like he never did anything wrong. But maybe he's just not letting all the guilt eat him up.

So I did the same. I finally relaxed as I walked towards the old man. I knelt before him and started my monologue.

It felt scripted, 'cause I've already  practiced everything. Yet it felt so honest. I could not bring myself to believe that I have become confident enough to be ashamed of myself.

He blurbed in reply. He mumbled several words which I first thought was a Latin prayer. But I heard him say something clearly, so I realized he was just eating up his words, the first few seconds. I asked him gently to repeat his instructions, and he did.

I went away, pulled Dev to a seat close by, and told him to pray with me.

I never felt that good in a long time. It was an amazing feeling--getting freed from the chains I made all by myself. I've never felt so light. And I do believe I've never been that honest during a confession.

So there. I just wanted to share how good I felt that night. Dev didn't speak much, but I saw he was relieved too. So thank God. :)

Or not. Again, I don't care. :)