"Where to Find Coffee!" by DEV

So...a couple o' months ago, Jen packed her stuff and moved to an apartment, where she took us too.

We now live in this cozy apartment...in the middle of NOWHERE! Yeah. It's a cool place, 'cause it's quiet, and everything. It's even got a farm-like vibe ('cause you know, there's a farm right behind this apartment.)

(and when the fog comes, you know you're close to Silent Hill.)

But there's nothing in here! The neighbors are far from us (still a cool thing, 'cause it means peace and quiet.) The only thing I'm really complaining about here is there are no damn stores to buy stuff from.

Have you ever woken up early in the morning, and felt the need to make coffee? You go to your kitchen to make yourself a warm cup...and then you see, you've run out.


"What shall I do???" your poetic self exclaims. Then both your conscience and your common sense will tell you to buy more.

So you leave your apartment and look for a frickin' store. But since you live IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. You don't find ANY.

This blog post is dedicated to all the "Stores" we've found nearby and 

WHY WE THINK THEY SUCK.

STORE 1: "The Good Ol' Neighbor's Store"

-> The humans living in another apartment were one of the first new friends we made after moving here. They own this little...store. And they will always welcome you with a smile. But good luck finding what you need there.

-> This said "store" is basically just a bunch of snacks, shampoo, condiments, etc, stapled to a wall. Their supply is THAT limited. It's like saying "I wonder if they have coffee..." and you just say "Nah, that's impossible."

(out of stock??? b****, you never had a stock.)

STORE 2: "The Hopeless Doorbell!"

-> This is the polar opposite of Store 1. THEY HAVE...

-> Well, no. They have a lot of things in there, basic grocery supplies, food, some medicine, and they can even reload your phone. But they don't have everything.

-> Compared to Store 1 though, they have WAAAAAY more things to offer, and sometimes they actually have what you're looking for.

(roger that. coffee spotted.)

-> BUT NOBODY IS EVER THERE TO GUARD THE STORE!!!

-> Yep. You go there, look for some coffee, and all you see is a store...and nothing else. No one there to actually hand the stuff to you. Nobody to give your money to. No one. Nada.

-> I, the AWEZOME DEV, requested them to have a doorbell, since they're too lazy to stay inside the store. And wow, they really installed one.

-> The doorbell worked for about a month. And now it's broken. You just stand there, pressing on a hopeless piece of **** hoping someone someday will give you some coffee.

(they don't even have this. I would've tried.)

-> Ark had his finger accidentally cut once, and I ran to this store for a bandage. It took them FOREVER to come, and I swear Ark almost died.



STORE 3: "Endless Love Store"

-> So far my favorite store...just because two old lovers run this thing. They literally stayed with each other 'til both their hairs grew white. I'm most patient when buying here.

("what? no, we don't sell toffee")

-> Still very different from Stores 1 and 2. They have A LOT of merchandise (doesn't top Store 2, but they do have a lot.) And there are two, happy sellers waiting to welcome you. Thing is, the wife can see and hear properly. Now the problem is when she ISN'T there.

-> You'll be stuck with her husband, who could neither see nor hear you.


-> It's not "what you see is what you get," for Store 3. It's what the seller sees. Good luck with that.


-> You'll be there all morning, staring at the coffee which is *this* close to you. You'll hear yourself screaming "it's there!!! IT'S RIGHT BESIDE YOU! No! Right! Right! Turn to the right!" That's before you realize it's rude to scream at the elderly and just give up on your coffee.












And your last option is STORE 4: "Ze Mall"

-> Yeah, we're walking distance from a mall.

-> It opens at 10 am, so if you're an early bird, might as well throw all your coffee-related hopes away.

-> It's the farthest from our house, and it's very impractical to walk all the way there for a SINGLE item you can't find in Stores 1, 2 and 3.

-> OVERPRICED STUFF. Well, compared to the regular stores.

(THIS is what a coffee lover feels, living here.)

So yeah. Where do you find coffee? I dunno. The answer is "You don't."

Maybe you stock up on some before the mall closes or something. 'cause there is NO WAY you'll be finding what you need anywhere.

My vote goes to Store 2 as "The Most Rage-Inducing Store EVERRRRR". 'cause none of them sellers are old, or even remotely cheesy.