"The Tissue Issue!" by DEV

Would have called this the T-Issue, but that would have sounded awful.

Anywho, Jen here has been criticsizing... critiqueing...criti...

"Criticizing" my unique way of wiping the dirty dinner table.

See I use tissues instead of rags to clean the frickin' table. I use several squares to get rid of the crumbs Cat Pig has so generously left on top. And then I use several more to actually wipe it clean.

K, fine. It may be excessive and wasteful. But when did I ever concern myself with saving nature and all that? That's Ark's thing.

I may not be as smart as Dorky Arky. But I definitely have a reason why I use tissue. And it's sorta logical thinking.

Look. Rags are DIRTY AS HELL. They're dirtier than your socks after you've run shoe-less into the muddy depths of your local sewer.

(as seen in Figure 1.0)

WHY would I clean something with something dirty?

(Spongebob isn't cleaning well either)

And yeah, I can ALWAYS clean the rags before using them, but I'm never convinced with the way they turn up afterwards. They remain browner than a brownie, and there aint no way I'm cleaning the dinner table with no brownie.

So there. Guess I won't be landing a job at McDonald's anytime soon.

("Don't you DARE set foot here, you @#%^&!")

But trust me, I could suck it all up, on the job.

I can do things I don't like, you know, for the sake of professio... profesyho... Argh! I hate spelling! Professionalism.

Like literally, I can suck it all up. Like, I could just vacuum all the dirt with my mouth, 'stead of using no RAG!

(JUST. LIKE. THIS.)

Just kidding. :D