Hello everyone! I'm back. :)It's not like I've finished the semester yet. But I finally found the spare time to post here. And so I thank all of you who greeted me on my birthday. Thanks! :)
Now I'm back, with more life realizations to share with you guys.
If you've read my previous posts, you probably know how confused I've been the past few days. I said 2013 was all about "me", so I made it a point to improve myself in every way I knew how.
I ended up getting confused as to "who I am" per se.
I have let go of several things I disliked about myself. But then I realized I let go of some things I actually liked too.
Like confidence.
Don't get me wrong. My confidence level is still at an all time high. But it's definitely NOT as high as it used to be. Like say, compared to when I was in Heaven.
I used to be so courageous. So confident. So unbreakable. Heaven-bound Ark strived to be different. And he didn't care whether people liked him or not. He was being comfortable with his own skin.
My current self is too conscious. He's confident, 'cause he's proven himself several times before. But now he has the need to please the people around him. It's a burden the former Ark did not carry.
I want my confidence back. I wanna retain all I've learned from growing up, all while regaining my towering confidence. I have to get rid of the need to please people. That's not selfish. It's just keeping up with my resolution: to love myself more.
Now how do I answer the question: Who is Ark, exactly?
I'm gonna tell you that right now.
Ark is not so complicated...not as complicated as he thinks himself to be. Then again, not as deep as his blog describes him. He's just Ark. He's got simple thoughts that people mistake for naivety. He's got plans that are too complicated for others to understand. He's got flexible opinions on different things mainly because he's not really concerned with these "things."
He loves his family. He loves his brother. He loves everyone in his household.
He loves people. He smiles at people cause he wants them to smile back and assure him that everything is fine.
He blogs about himself, not caring what people would think, not caring how it would change people's perspective of him, just because he thinks it would be "fun."
He doesn't live to please people. He only seeks to please himself, and those he cares for enough to love.
He befriends people based on first impressions...and he's usually right. No wonder he has many friends.
He tends to assume the best in people, which others still attribute to naivety. But he believes that life doesn't have to be so hard, and that people aren't so complicated.
He's an actor. He's good at putting himself in others' shoes. He feels what others feel and tries hard to understand them.
His temper and patience depends on his mood.
He's surprisingly secretive. He's surprisingly good at lying.
But he's very honest. He loves the freedom that only truth can give.
He's unique. His decisions are calculated gambles based on the "what-the-heck-let's-give-it-a-try" policy.
He hates.
He loves.
Ark is much simpler than I thought him to be. And it's a good birthday present to myself: finally getting to know me. The simple me.
And if I ever get confused again, I'll know what to do. If you can't define yourself...don't. Just do what comes naturally.
And don't forget you have the freedom to be who you want to be. Create yourself. Love your creation.
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