"Animal Zodiac!" by DEV

I have a new job! Yup, you heard it right peeps. I am now... A FORTUNETELLER! Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I'm awesome that way.

Since I have nothin' else to do with all my angelic powers, I decided to make money out of it! I know I'm smart. Now that I can "see" the future, I'll use it to give advice to ya'll for the new year!

Let's see... Let's start with the animals. Here are my predictions and advice for all you creatures.

(I don't get this picture. Animals are NOT that cute.)

Rat: Bad luck will haunt your sewers. I suggest transferring to a different location, like say, France? Take up some culinary while you're at it. By the way, cheese will cost more in 2013, so now is the right time to stock up on some dairy.

Ox: It's gonna be a rough year for you. People will be more confused with your appearance. Some will mistake you for a cow, or a bull or something. But you will never hear anyone calling you an ox. I feel you bro'. So don't sweat it.

(letting Dogs ride on your back is a good way of bringing luck to yourself. But you have to be in India.)

Tiger: You may still be frustrated that you didn't get that mane you wanted for Christmas. Maybe it's time to accept that you're a TIGER not a LION. And though you're still very awezome, you'll always stay in the shadow of the king of the jungle. Try ruling somewhere else maybe?

Just keep your distance from them lions and laugh as they look like clowns with those wild manes.

Rabbit: I just found out your weird habit of floating on water, you floating little weirdo! STOP TAKING FRICKIN' BATHS! You're already TOO FLUFFY!!! Lucky color: Brown.

Dragon: Do I have to do this? Like really? We all know dragons are already extinct right? So let's skip this--OH MY FRICKIN' GOSH WHAT THE F*CK WAS THAT?!?!?! Okay, this fire-breathing DRAGON just literally swooped down low from the sky and smashed our ceiling! Whew...he's gone now. No time to give a reading for that fella.

Snake: It's your year!!! Literally. You own the year. It's zodiac rules. It's like we have to pay rent for staying in the same year or something...

Horse: You will grow tired of running and begin doubting your very existence. You must channel all your chi into a different hobby from now on, or else you'll get suicidal. Try knitting, or scuba diving. It's cool.

Sheep or Ram: You'll be more confused than ox, because you have to share the same spot. Research is being conducted as to which animal is supposed to have the spot on the zodiac calendar. I suggest just getting along and enjoying the exposure. Lucky stone: Philosopher's stone.

Monkey: This is getting boring for everyone, so I'll just tell you your lucky number: It's the value of Pi. No, really. Compute the value of Pi. THAT'S YOUR LUCKY NUMBER. Base all your important life decisions on that stupid number and life might go on smoothly.

Rooster: Run!!! Tis' the season to cook chickens! Better watch your feathers. Everyone's trying to cook you for the celebration of New Year's Eve! You know that dude Kenny Rogers? He'll be on your tracks ALL YEAR. Getting caught by him will definitely bring you bad luck.

AT LEAST, you will be called the world's best chicken. Be flattered. You share that title with millions of others.

Dog: You will have bad luck regarding friendships and other important relationships. You might lose Man as your Best Friend. Place lucky gems and all that other sh*t everywhere in your dog house to prevent this.

Pig: You, unlike chicken, are luckier. Guess people don't like your taste all that much anymore. You can now stop living in constant fear of becoming bacon...Oh wait... YOU'RE BACON, RIGHT??? So, yeah, ignore everything I've just said. You being bacon is a curse that you will suffer for another hundred years. Heck, people are so obsessed with your meaty goodness, they're innovating the use of bacon!

AND TO ALL THE OTHER ANIMALS: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

"Lessons" by ARK

I read an amazing blog about things that the writer learned during this year. I decided to do the same, for the sake of self-reflection. :)

This year (2012), I learned...

1. How to blog.

-> to start this list, I must acknowledge the reason why I am doing this: because I have started a blog this year. And so far Dev and I, as well as the Guests are doing a wonderful job. I promise to keep this up.

2. How to keep quiet.

-> there are things that shouldn't be said. Not that I regret anything I've spoken about, it's just that sometimes it's better to keep hold of what you know instead of giving it away. I have given this a start, and I will keep practicing my silence.

3. How to keep promises.

-> I noticed my tendency to do the opposite of what I have promised. And I am hard at work on fixing that. I will try better to keep my promises. Also, I am practicing how NOT to give away promises I can't keep.


4. How to dream properly.

-> I've always been a dreamer. And sometimes I get delusional. But I know I have a plan to back all of my dreams up, and so I don't think they are as far away as they seem. This year I learned how to dream and set goals properly. I also learned what to do while waiting for your dreams to come true...that is, to not wait at all.

5. That I am not that vulnerable.

-> I have my strengths. Strengths that other people see, and acknowledge...strengths I didn't know were there. I've witnessed these strengths and started seeing myself differently. I promise never again to do something out of sheer self-doubt.

6. That the world is selfish.

-> It's ALL about me after all. Nobody is using a camera to keep track of my life...except for me. This is a movie for me to watch. Nobody cares how I direct my life 'cause they're all too busy directing theirs. It's time to stop watching everybody and start living a life worth watching. I promise to give myself one hell of a show.

7. That there is such a thing as unconditional love.

-> Love doesn't always have to be romantic. It comes in all shapes and forms. Back then I didn't believe people would do things out of sheer love. I didn't believe that people would do things for others without having anything in it for them. Now I have seen people show genuine care, and I'm glad to say that the people around me are not robots.


8. That no one's gonna give me the world.

-> If I want the world, I better start taking it.

9. How not to care.

-> I couldn't be more careless. I couldn't be more emotionally detached. But now I know how to properly detach myself and just exactly WHO to leave. Now that MY world is all about me, I should stop worrying that people are gonna leave me.

10. How to stop torturing myself.

-> I promise to keep this up. If I'm ever going to reach my dreams, I'm gonna have to stop inflicting pain onto myself. 'cause I know there are people who would be more than happy to do it for me. I shouldn't be helping them.


11. How to keep myself within myself.

-> This means that whatever lesson comes my way, I am confident that I will never lose who I am.  I should just keep integrating rather than renovating. Change is good, I know--it must be embraced. But losing myself is the last thing I want.

As you may have noticed, these lessons are all selfish and self-absorbed. But those are the things that my year has taught to me. 2012 was full of lessons about the good kind of selfishness. It's called self-respect. :)

"Unpopular!" by DEV

So there I wuz, headin' home from a short vacation, when I saw this little terminal for little vehicles. My wings were kinda tired and I had money for a ride, so I did. Three seconds after that decision I found myself inside the van.

I immediately noticed two girls from my old high school. I just looked at them, knowing they'll eventually notice my awesomeness. And they did.

One of the girls said "Hey, whatta you know, it's Dev!"

And the other girl was like: "Who?"

And Girl 1 was like: "It's Dev!"

And Girl 2 still had no idea. But I don't blame her fo' that. Even my closest high school friends barely recognized me during the reunion. They said I got taller or something.

It's that OR I was just really unpopular. K. Let's give credit to the fact that I had real fans during my high school days (you know, for being an actor and sh*t). Heck, I even had a "fans' club." But I was generally unpopular.

I think the members of my fans' club forgot they were members...or that the club existed. Anywho, it's the thought that counts.

BUT TRUST ME, I WILL GET FAMOUS.

Someday... Someday. I can feel it in my horns. I'll have my own wax figure where famous people have their wax figures. Hmm... Come to think of it, I can do that right now! I'll just make my own sculpture of my brilliant face, and fly it there myself.

Better get to work now. I have to make the perfect wax figure...fit for my awesomenez. BWAHAHAHA.

"Responsible Christmas-ing" by ARK

Either what we saw was a dead body, or a very drunk person who slept in a canal.

It was horrible. We were heading home Christmas night after a great day of celebration, when we came across a dark street. It had very minimal lighting, and you could tell that the people around that part of the neighborhood weren't partying anymore. The only form of lighting came from our own van, and also a few street lamps that barely lit anything.

After a small curve in the road, we saw it—the dead or drunk guy, lying on the canal. Only his legs and his head were noticeable. And if you haven’t been paying attention, you might not have seen him at all. The van moved forward, and darkness covered the body once more.

The sight gave us a mixture of emotions: confusion, and unnerving fear. What kind of Christmas did that man experience? More disturbing is the question: Is he still alive?

Personally, my conscience kept me awake. Had I not been extremely tired, would I be able to keep the image off my dreams. Very few of us in the van saw the man, and those who did see him dismissed it as a man who was very, very drunk.

Even homeless people don’t sleep inside canals.

IF the man was simply drunk, his friends would have taken him home…or at least helped him out of the canal, for goodness sake. Unless he was alone the entire time and got himself overdosed in alcohol all by himself, then he’d have no one to blame. He was just being irresponsible.

Looking at this angle, we could see a little resemblance with everybody else’s way of spending Christmas: Careless, to say the least.

We use the holidays as an excuse to break our own limits. We drink until we can’t recognize anyone’s faces and we spend like there’s no tomorrow. Soon enough, we find ourselves in the canals.

Sure, it comes only once a year, and nobody wants to be a killjoy. But celebrations come with responsibility. Heck, do we even remember WHY we’re allowed to party on December 25? Do we remember WHY we get a holiday bonus? It’s Christ’s birthday. We are supposed to welcome him with open arms. And I bet Christ would be disappointed if he saw us wasted and broke.

Let’s face it, the magic of Christmas comes with some form of illusion that gets us hypnotized into buying stuff we don’t need, giving gifts we can’t afford and coming up with the grandest feast ever. Sadly, when this daze wears off, we realize what we’ve done and end up regretting Christmas ever happened.

Now back to the canal man. IF he was dead, that could only mean he was murdered. What better way to celebrate Christmas than murdering someone? It’s the perfect crime. People are all busy with their celebrations that they wouldn’t be paying attention to their neighbors getting silently murdered. For the criminal: that was brilliant timing. Who knew crime can be committed on Christmas? Apparently not the victim.

Whatever it was, it only leads to one conclusion: Somebody hasn’t been very responsible with the Christmas privilege. That certain someone is definitely on Santa’s list.

"Merry Christmas!" by DEV and ARK

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Enjoy the holidays, dear visitor! :)

You're welcome to leave your gifts here. :)

"FIN's Wishes" by EVE

EVE: How about you, Fin?












FIN: F*CK OFF ILLEGAL LOGGERS!!! YEAH! GO BACK TO YOUR....zzz... STUPID ILLEGAL NEIGHBORHOOD!!! zzzzzzzz....














EVE: *sigh* You can't just get rid of every single illegal logger, Fin.

FIN: I just...wanna go home...to the ocean... I miss...zzzz.... water...

EVE: Well you can always do that. You don't even live here. Wait a second, what ARE you doing here??? Why are you in my house???


FIN: Dev...

EVE: Oh, that makes sense. The jerk's inviting random people into my house again. But don't worry Fin, you're welcome here anytime. (I should start acting more like a princess. This costume is awesome, by the way.)

"MAX's Wishes" by EVE

 EVE: Okay, now those wishes are too hard to grant. How about you, Max? Wait, do you really sleep with your eyes open, or are you awake???










MAX: zzzzzzzzzz.....................













EVE: Hmm...I guess Martians sleep that way... What do you want for Christmas Max?

MAX: Bang! Plow!! Ka-BAM!!!













EVE: Wut?

MAX: Ping! Ping! Pcherww!! You are going down Earthling! Your puny little Earth weapons are no match to OUR superior technology!! BWAHAHAHA!

EVE: Still waiting for global domination, eh? Well, I can't give you that either.

"ARK's Wishes" by EVE

EVE:  I'm gonna use magic on Ark now. I wonder what angels like him ask for Christmas?

ARK: ...All I really want for Christmas is love... Somebody to love...

EVE: Like, the Justin Bieber song?

ARK: zzz...Love...and contentment...and happiness...

EVE: I can't really put those in a box, you know.

ARK: And unity. zzz... And you know what else? Let us just move on into the future, can't we? I really wanna see the future now...zzz...

EVE; You're just listing everything that wouldn't fit inside a box, Ark. :)