"How To Get Rid of Your Neighbors!" by DEV

I heard from someone important to "Love Thy Neighbor". This man was cool (though I forgot his name) and so I've been following this advice.

But I'm sorry, Cool Bro. I guess you haven't met OUR neighbors yet.

Here in Jen's house, we live close to this apartment. And these kids who live there...they're ANNOYING AS HELL! And so Cat Pig and I have nicknamed them "The Evil Kids".

So if you have neighbors like them who try to punch your grandma, or pull out the plants from your flower pot, or eat your DVD's...YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE!

Here's my handy guide to surviving (or getting rid of) your neighbors. *Ta-dan!*

1. The Christmas Approach:


Dress up like Santa Claus and grab a huge red sack. Put inside a willing volunteer and carry them on your shoulders. Have the volunteer pretend to struggle inside the red sack (sometimes they don't even have to act! It's suffocating in there you know! But I tell you, this plan's worth your volunteer's sacrifice.)

Knock on your neighbors' door and ask them if they want to visit the North Pole with you.

-> If they agree, show them another red sack, tie up their hands and gently place them inside. If they struggle, give them a friendly kick. Take them to the "North Pole".

-> If they refuse, leave without hesitation. The following night, climb up their roof and build a chimney. Go quietly down that chimney making sure nobody hears you. Grab your sack and place all of your neighbors inside anyway. Ho Ho Ho!!!

-> If you succeed...don't forget to free your volunteer. Paying him is optional.





2. The New Year Approach:

Start illegally selling firecrackers, and have your house as your warehouse. Fill it with all the firecrackers you want to sell. Ask your neighbor nicely to take care of the business with you. Then when they get inside your house to get supplies, "accidentally" set a fire on it. our house and all your properties might explode and catch flame, BUT AT LEAST nobody's gonna be pulling your plants anymore.

-> If they survive the explosion with a few wounds and burns, "accidentally" suicide bomb while hugging them tight. Emphasize your love.

(oooooh. Mushrooms.)

-> If they survive but they are heavily injured, give them a friendly kick.

-> If they DON'T survive, start renting their apartment.


3. The Valentine's Day Approach:

Do the obvious. Take them out on a date. Bring chocolates and flowers. Propose and marry on the same day. Become that annoying husband/wife you've always wanted to be. Let them do all the dishes and laundry.

-> If they don't accept your proposal, start a scene and run around in circles.

-> If they accept and marry you, don't forget that your main objective is to get rid of him/her/them. So better watch Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's hit film "Mr. and Mrs. Smith"

Disclaimer: Don't actually do this to your neighbors, 'kay? It will get you arrested. Annoying prisoners are worse than annoying neighbors.