"Fear" by ARK

This is one of those times that everything scares me, and I’m in a short-term paranoia. In fact, Dev just walked in and I nearly jumped in surprise.

Anyway, this started when Dev and I watched a comedy/horror film entitled Bangkok Horror Stories (which I recommend, because it is quite a good mix of both the genres I just mentioned).

The thing is I constantly disobey my rule of not watching horror. I know myself well enough to know that I get scared easily, yet I still break my rules. Well it’s fun. It challenges me. I take the risk of watching something I dislike just for the heck of it. And yes, I end up enjoying myself, but the regret comes afterward.

When the movie ends, I relish in satisfaction. But that’s when my imagination gets the best of me. I keep thinking of things I shouldn’t-and it’s a stupid thing to do, but I do it anyway. I know it’s ridiculous.

During times like these, I get really nervous. Sleeping is even harder for me, and mornings seem ever more distant. I know this would fade soon, and I’ll be laughing at these memories.

I’m not easy to scare. The only one who can do that is me. That’s both a blessing and a curse.

When I’m in my “FEAR MODE”, I would usually do something that gets me even MORE afraid. Like last night, I watched this viral video of a gay doctor getting murdered. It’s probably my first time to see an “actual” murder. And I can say that it is way different from the scripted ones in the movies. Now THAT is scary.

I’m sad over the evil deeds people can do to others. I wanted to post the video’s link here, but I didn’t want to disrespect the victim’s family, so I saved everybody the trouble.

We all have something to fear, and to me it comes in horrible images I created myself. It’s self-torture. But I’ll assure you that it’s all just a normal part of my life. Fear is a normal part of everyone’s lives.

We must sometimes fear for our lives in order to realize the good things that keep us living. We must recognize darkness before we can see the light. Fear makes us hold on tighter to the things that matter.

I read somewhere that you should try doing something every day that makes you uncomfortable. I believe that’s true. This makes you stronger and smarter. Fear, if used positively, can be a great weapon.

What do you fear?