"Live Like a Zombie!" by DEV

Since I already countered Ark’s idea of living life like a tree, I have a different proposal to make.

Why don’t you LIVE LIFE LIKE A ZOMBIE?

It’s easy, and it’s fun living the life of the undead. All you have to do is get bitten by one of them, and you’re ready to go! Why become a zombie, you ask? Here’s why!

1.       You’ll be immortal. Well, since you’re already dead, why fear death? They say you only live once (YOLO, for short)…not if you’re a zombie! Imagine all the cool things you could do with your new found immortality. You could scare your long-time enemies, chase dogs, wrestle with tigers, and much more! The fun never, ever, ever ends.

2.       You’ll get to have zombie friends. They may be dumb and senseless, but just look at how they multiply. With just one bite, you’ve got MORE zombie friends! Finally, you could befriend the entire neighborhood. In fact, why not “befriend” the whole human population? 

3.        You’ll star in your own Hollywood movie. It’s finally your time to shine! But, okay, you MIGHT share the spotlight with over thousands of other zombies, but that doesn’t matter. At least, you can call yourself a celebrity. Plus, you’ll get to chase all those hot movie stars (as you try to chew their brains off)!

4.       Equality. Finally, everyone is equal. Every zombie is equally horrifying, so nobody will tease you for being ugly anymore. Bite that attractive person you’ve always envied and they’ll soon turn ugly too! No discrimination in zombie country. 

5.       You’ll turn inexplicably strong and agile. No matter if you used to be a wimp. ALL zombies are athletes!

6.       You can now perform Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” in a more convincing way. Can’t sing? Can’t dance? Doesn’t matter! All zombies are fun to watch. And if anybody complains, you can gnaw their heads off.

7.       You now have a reason to bury yourself underground. I know you’ve always wondered how it feels in there. Once zombified, you can begin exploring the underworld. Feel free to communicate with the rocks, the worms and the, umm, the other things. Nobody will complain if you start digging anywhere. You are the BOSS. 

8.       You can enter people’s houses without an excuse! You’ve always wanted to wreck other houses, didn’t you? Well, now you can! Use their appliances, rip out their wallpaper… Practically, anything.

Has the zombie apocalypse started yet? I heard people have started to take up cannibalism. Well, that’s an interesting course. You can choose to be one of the survivors and shoot down the zombies, OR YOU CAN LET YOURSELF GET BITTEN and enjoy everything I’ve just mentioned above! Trust me, it would be fun.

Well, if the apocalypse HASN’T arrived… you can just sit there in front of your computer and wait. Wait, and wait, and wait… And wait. Maybe someday, my friend, maybe someday…